Most dating is done in private and going out in public is not as obvious as people imagine, mostly enjoying publicly accessible venues per the premise agreements.
Human Development Age Groups
Primary
- 20 to 40
- 35 to 50
- 50 to 65
- 60 to 85
- 85+
- 14 to 20
- 11 to 17
- 15 to 24 (work development)
- 16 to 40 (work development)
For 16+ see the state of residence legal requirements for dating over 18, or at all.
Normally, when I was younger, my dating profile read
will date 18 to 99, 4'11" to 8' tall. Any weight class.
Genetic Propogation
Many people only have certain gene pools that they will date with for various reasons from: its a family requirement to its the best decision for my offspring, or its my preferred dating specification after trying various dating arrangements.
Gene propagation is often a topic for people having children but can be an interesting detail to consider for those that are dating and not planning families.
Most of these dating considerations are based on natural earth processes and individual or group expression. This means that people aged 40 to 50 from one gene group may have similar expression to people aged 10 to 20 from a different gene group or that 15% of one ethnic group has the same genetic expression as 5% to 6% of a different ethnic group. This is a complex topic for AP Biology and is recently starting to reach high school communication levels. Normally this level of analysis is not part of the dating process, people are either attracted to their dates or not, and family planning is based on who they are actually attracted to and formed a relationship with.
With people that are dating, certain groups may be known for being energetic, curious, exploratory, and inquisitive and other groups known for being boring, slow, uninteresting, and risk adverse. This is normally known as stereotyping and bias but terms have been updated recently to preference and expression such as preferred expression in a partner.
Emotional Connections
Contrary to regularly circulated statements on relationships, opposites do not necessarily attract beyond the point of satiating a curiosity or inquisitiveness about a human behavior that is not regularly occuring amongst the curious persons human connection group.
Like dating some kind of circus freak merely because the person is curious about what makes that freak so bizzare and different than everyone else.
Couples with too many dissimilarities tend to have the highest divorce rates and spend the least amount of time together before breaking up. The conversation likely started as an experiment on genetic diversity and gene mutation but does not work well for healthy groups with diverse dating selections whose interests and goals in life are in stark difference to one another.
Emotional connections are formed between couples or dating groups by spending lots of time together doing things that are interesting to all participants. A compromise is alternating between things that each person enjoys during time spent together. For example, each weekend or day off from work, one person gets to pick an activity that the other person or group will participate in. This forms emotional connections and allows couples to select to do things that are similar together and things that are disimilar apart, as long as there are not jealously issues with time spent apart this is ok. Some people date or have children in groups for various reasons. Part of consent and non-aggression is disclosing this at or near the start of the relationship.
Similarities
Besides the emotional connections, similarities also help with life planning, togetherness, and defining individuality within a relationship.
Not everything a person does within the relationship will define the persons as a couple, relationship group, or family group. Some things will remain individual expression within a relationship for a very long time or for the entirety of the relationship, its important to note when these individual expressions are leading to loneliness and isolation so that the persons significant other or others can be invited on a date to do things they enjoy but have no one to participate in those activities with.
Things to Share
- Career Plans and Professional Development
- Income, Budgets, and Expenses (fun stuff)
- Goals, Dreams, Wishes, and Visions
- Family Traditions, Religions, and Birthdays
- Holidays, Ceremonies, Outings, and Life Cycles
Not all of these things will be important to all couples as relationship expressions. Some will focus on only a few things and have a perfectly fulfilling relationship, and some will go through the whole list and still have more things they want to look for to share with each other. Looking for new things to share is not a sign of unfulfillment, it can be an expression of excitement in new discoveries.
Having lots of similarities or enough similarities to fill in time together makes the strongest couples and longest lasting relationships. Its important to share things that have the highest importance first, if theres an overlap, and work down towards things that are important but have a lower priority to form good relationships.
Budgets and Schedules
Lack of money can lead to ackward conversations, isolation, loneliness, and resentment to name a few things that can go wrong when budgets aren't right, for dating or even for friendships.
Normally, its implied that when dating or going on an outing with friends, the person inviting everyone is paying for everything. Unless, they start the sentence along the lines of
does anyone have money for xyz because, I wanted to go or do that activity and was wondering if anyone would want to go with me.
There are other
ways to approach the topic of going dutch, splitting the bill, or covering costs above a certain price point for the date or outing.
- I'll pay for admissions and dinner.
- Did you want to help out with the drinks.
- This can also be dessert, o'dourves, or tips.
- I can cover the trip and accomodations, can you all cover your food costs? Let me know if you run out of money or didn't expect a certain bill for a meal.
- What did you want to buy? Can I help with any of the costs?
The important thing is to understand that people have different budgets and what may be a regular purchase or expense for one person in a relationship may be for special occasions, as a gift, or something they were unaware that existed as something to buy.
Communication is key, after some time together, body language and voice inflections are more noticeable and direct communications for budgetary items is not so necessary.
Time constraints also play an important role in relationships and correctly defining how much time the couples or parties have to spend with one another. These conversations often become shorter as the relationship grows, going from long explanation about schedules and available free time to short one sentence or less questions and answers about availability and planned amount of time together. Coincidentally, the conversations may become complex after a while, mostly with long term planning and entire time spent together throughout the year. This is normal, to occasionally have conversations about relationship budgeting, including time constraints and planning for time together versus being spontaneous.
Relationship Scheduling Requests
- Do you have any time off lately so we can do something together?
- Any free time on your schedule coming up for us to spend together?
- There is an event this weekend, are you able to take time off?
- When is your next day off? Did you want to spend time with me?
With adults, its rarely a good idea to show up spontaneously expecting that someone is available unless they have explicitly stated that they are available at certain times for interaction without notice and whether that is for group activities like bring friends over or for more intimate interactions like arrive alone or with less than a few people.
Scheduling and planning helps build good relationships and while it may seem in contrast to logical conclusions, having an available time for spontaneous interactions is often a sign of a desired friendship for people that are extremely busy with their work based schedules.
Conflicts of Interests
These can be anything that is opposite from a partners desires, requirements, preferences, goals, or ambitions.
- Savings vs restuarants and night clubs
- Professional development vs birthdays and holidays
- Hobbies vs family planning
- Renting and expenses vs mortgage and inheritence
- Socialization and publicity vs confidentiality and business agreements
It can include things like public perception, financial stability requirements, relationship preferences, emotional connection goals, and long term planning desires. Anything that is in contrast to relationship goals for one or more of the persons or couple, can present a conflict of interest.
Family Planning
Except for people who are in a rush or on a short time schedule such as women reaching menopause, couples who have an inheritence requirement before an older family member moves away, or dating couples considering a short enrollment period financial program; family planning is often the last step in relationship besides asking if a person wants or doesn't want children near the start of the relationship.
For people who definitely want children, being with someone for very many years only to discover they don't want or cant have children can seem emotionally immature of their former partner.
Normally, this is a simple yes or no at the start of the relationship and can be a cause for separation if thoughts on family planning change later; which is often different then not ever mentioning anything at all.
After a couple or significant others group has decided to have one or more children, currently the average is 0-2 kids per couple, there are a lot of questions about family traditions, societal values, civilization norms, and things like self harm such as financial injury or self incurred isolation due to human expression.
These conversations are much easier after a couple is familiar with their own relationship expression and knows how a child will fit into that form of expression in addition to being aware of resources outside the relationship that can build a support system for the child. This includes participating in activities they do as part of their individual expression that the child also participates in as they get older and more independent or when they begin to form their own friendship groups and begin to interact with society on an individual basis.
Separation Contingencies
Not all relationships will last forever or even for a very long time. Being a reponsible and mature adult includes having clear terms of separation long before a separation occurs, if at all. Many adults do this at the start of the relationship by asking questions such as:
- If we break up, will we still have contact with each other?
- What happens if one of us becomes emotionally or financially dependent on the other and the other person no longer wants to be in the relationship?
- What happens with friends and family that want to keep in touch after we break up?
- How do we handle property we purchased together?
- What about property that was given as gifts but is no longer desired after breakup?
- What happens if we don't want to be together but were living with each other and neither of us can afford our own place or has family to help us out?
- What happens if we break up and are living together but dating other people? How to deal with the emotional toll? What about moving out and living expenses?
- If one of us is angry, jealous, or envious of the other? How do we come to terms with our emotions if we are no longer living together and able to talk things out?
Often, in contemporary marriages, a prenuptual agreement is implied by default, and only the things purchased together are itemized, sold, or donated. This is not much different when there is a financial dependency because its less expensive for the government to put the dependent and separated family on a social safety net program than to do all the accounting for potentially millions of couples expecting alimony or child support. Civil lawsuit often has to exceed these thresholds and often times, having the government restore the separated families life to the correct post relationship expectations is more efficient and healthier for society. The government can then do accounting for services after the fact if it is necessary with the person the family was dependent on.
Plans and expectations post relationship are just as important as communicating expectations for the relationship and any desires or expectations for family planning. Often, these are quick conversations at the start of the relationship that might be occasionally updated during an argument. Often times, these resemble a checklist that is filed away and never looked at unless there is a breakup or if it needs to be updated because of an argument. Rarely, do these checklists get brought to court, they are a to do list if things don't work out.
Thinking Positive
Its often a good idea to leave things on a good note, especially for complex topics or subjects covering a lot of information. When starting a new relationship there are some uncomfortable topics that are often a brief Q and A and some possible task lists or checklists. The rest of the relationship should consist of finding similarities, communicating desires, expectations, likes, and shares; plus focusing on emotional connections, budgets, schedules, and lifelong planning or relationship goals.